BTW - biggreenthunder - EXCELLENT!!!!
*Mark Snyder steps to the podium*
SNYDER: First, before I open the floor to questions, let me begin by saying it is good to be home. *lively applause*
It has been a long journey, but I am where I want to be, directing my alma mater, picking up the baton from Randall, Parrish, Chaump, Donnan and Bobby Pruett. ....
Second, from this day forward, here are the press room stipulations:
Section 1, Paragraph A:
A writer that serves as a reporter and an editorialist for his/her newspaper shall wear a Dobbs or Miller reporting hat with a white cardboard label bearing the inscription "reporter" or "editorialist" depending upon the respective column the writer is filing for the next published edition of his/her newspaper. Any writer failing to properly identify him/herself in the press room, and / or subsequently publishing a column conflicting with the label provided in the press room, shall be permanently banned from the press room, the Shewey Building, James F. Edwards Field, and Joan Edwards Stadium ("hereinafter 'The Joan'"), and a fine to be determined by Marshall University shall be accessed for the fraud perpetrated on humanity for the writer's transgression(s).
Section 1, Paragraph B:
All writer's must have a copy of his/her college diploma suspended from his/her neck. Failure to adhere to this paragraph shall result in the writer being beaten with one of his / her limbs.
Section 1, Paragraph C:
If a writer can remember when there weren't cars, said writer shall be permanently banned from the press room, the Shewey Building, James F. Edwards Field, and The Joan, except for seat 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 of Row 20, Section 228. Said writer shall have the choice of an Underwood or a Remington typewriter to fondly remember his/her days reporting on the Bolshevik revolution, Woodrow Wilson and Crazy Ole Henry Ford and his wacky invention.
Section 2, Paragraph A:
A writer going by the given name of Charles, Chuck, Up-Chuck, The Mullet, Mitchell, Mitch, Ernest, Ernesto, Ernie, Big Ern, Easy E, The Suit, Douglass, Douglas, Dougie, Doug, Doogie, or "that prick", must pass a competency test chosen by Marshall University administrators before said writer(s) is allowed into the press room.
Section 2, Paragraph B:
Any writer failing the competency test shall be permanently excluded from the press room, the Shewey Building, James F. Edwards Field and the Joan, unless said writer(s) pays a penalty of $5000 per incorrect answer, not to exceed $50,000 (hereinafter "the Mitch Vingle penalty" or "Mitchie").
Section 3:
Any person uttering the word and/or phrase "Doc," "Holiday" and/or "Doc Holiday" within the confines of the recognized borders of Cabell County, WV, USA, shall be shot on sight by any authorized party, including but not limited to: The WV State Police, the Cabell County Sheriff's Dept., the City Police of any city, town, municipality or holler located wholly or partially within Cabell County, the West Virginia Militia, the Brothers of the Wheel, the Hells Angels, members of the Huntington QB Club, any member of VFW located anywhere in the world, or any other person so authorized by Marshall University administrators, staff, coaches, players, season ticket holders, and Stewie hot dog consumers.
Any questions?
:o :-D